MY GUILTY CONFESSIONS TAG


0 Yato'd
Posted on 10 Apr 2014 by Rasu


MOOD:: Reflecting
Listening To:: YouTube
今はなんじですか? 9:53 [PM]
Journey of Joy: 34/1,000

I have been tagged to do a "GUILTY CONFESSION TAG".
I think this will be really fun for me... Well here goes!

What is your guilty pleasure?
My guilty pleasure would be getting my pets' hopes up for a treat and not giving it to them.

Share something you did a long time ago that you're still ashamed of.
When I was 10 or 11 two friends I knew go into a fight and friend 1 who was older said a certain word to friend 2 who copied her. He didn't know what that word was but friend 1 went and told their dad and their dad punished friend 2 for saying that word to friend 1. Friend 2 was innocent and wasn't even the one who started the fight. I never told their father because I thought he wouldn't believe me... 'Till this day I still feel SO SO SO GUILTY... For not bringing justice at the time...

Share one bad habit you have.
One of my many bad habits would be that I don't turn of the lights when there is a need to.

Reveal one lie you've told. Big or Small.
I had a really annoying "friend" who kept hitting on me and asking me to go out with him so one day I got a help with a friend and together we pretended that I was a cross-dressing guy and that my friend was my girlfriend. He was so grossed out he wouldn't talk to me anymore that he found how I was... Male and not Female. I guess he wasn't into guy-on-guy. Even though I was in the wrong... Having him stop stalking me was nice! a6

What is one silliest thing you got upset or angry over?
You know I can't remember.. To be honest if I remember I will edit this post.

Something you're really bad at.
Resisting the action of pulling pranks or provoking pets/others.

Share something you preach but never do.
I talk about hanging out with friends but then I am too lazy to make and effort to go out with them.... BAD BAD BAD

Have you ever stolen before? If so, what?
Well... There was this time I went into the ladies restroom when I was 8 and I used paper and one penny and put it into a "vending machine" and STOLE A 25 CENT TAMPON!!!!

Reveal one act of revenge.
Probably purposely hurting somebody to where they can tell I am hurting them on purpose and especially making it big in public. Years ago.

Name somebody you used to envy.
My dad.

Mischievous thing you did in your childhood.
Playing with fire in my cousin's attic and placing a chair in the dark to trip my sister when she returned from the bathroom. WHICH WORKED BAYBEH!!!!

You see... I ain't no perfect-body.
You can laugh it is okay~ Because.. I TAG YOU!


Change is to Believe


0 Yato'd
Posted on 08 Apr 2014 by Rasu


MOOD:: Reflecting
Listening To:: Ai Wo De Mei Ge Ren
今はなんじですか? 7:16 [PM]
Journey of Joy: 34/1,000

School school school, broken programs, broken homework samples, forever waiting, lack motivation, & funny jokes aside.

Today I want to talk about something.

Change.
Change is something thousands of people talk about.
Especially changing themselves.
Is it possible to change myself?
Of course it is.
There is somebody in my life that I am very proud of right now.

I have known him for a long time.
He went from a loud, silly, joking, trying-to-be-hip kind-of-guy into a sweet, thoughtful, mature gentleman.

However what really irritates me is that the people around him don't seem to notice his changes.
They still treat him as an irresponsible 13 year-old.
C'mon he is 20... He isn't like that anymore.
He has been trying really hard to change for the better.
Mostly so he can be the kind of people his parents would be proud of, and a good role model for his baby siblings.

Yet I hear, and see people doubting him when he makes a promise.
"There's no way he would come! He is just lying! Can we go now?"

"What? You believe in him?"

Hey... He is trying to change.. Will you not even give him a chance?

Yes it is hard to change.
And change comes harder when those who normally would support the changing person won't even believe that he/she can do it.
When they down talk him/her or just laugh-it-off.

At.Least.He.Is.Trying.To.Improve.

That makes me proud.
I don't like you laughing him off when he is truly serious!
I have seen such a difference.
I wished you wouldn't snap at him, scold him, and fuss at him the moment he walks in the door.

It REALLY surprises me! He literally takes one step into the room and it's already fussing time for him.
He hasn't even spoken once.

Yet he smiles and nods and obeys.
This.Is.Killing.Me.
But I love him a lot.
He may not think he is a good role model for his siblings, but he is my role model.

He inspired me to work harder and to mature-up.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THEY SAY! I BELIEVE IN YOU! I KNOW YOU CAN CHANGE! I WILL SUPPORT YOU IN MY HEART! YOU CAN DO IT! a2 a6


Wound


1 Yato'd
Posted on 26 Mar 2014 by Rasu


MOOD:: Reflecting
Listening To:: Invisible Wings [Angela]
今はなんじですか? 12:01 [AM]
Journey of Joy: 34/1,000

I have always known that I haven't been blogging.
Have I quit blogging? Did I lose the interest in it?
No I haven't... I would have to say I just have such lack of motivation these
months.
As some of my readers know that I returned from my winter vacation in Taiwan
in January...
I would have to say I went to the trip like a little 10 year old full of
confidence.
Knowing I could be like one-of-those people who boldly believe something
awesome would come about.
Nobody could rip off my wings, hurt me, smash me into the ground.
But sadly I was wrong.
Something happened during the trip that made me lose my wings, it stabbed me
and left the knife in, and I feel as if I was smashed into the ground and I
am 3,000 ft. below ground level.
Dramatic right? It is.

I always read, heard, and seen people who talk and talk about how if you
did "such and such" then "such and such" would happen!
I followed the steps, felt great about it.
But look what it did to me.
3 months later I am the complete opposite of a 10 year old innocent & confident
girl.

When I came back from my trip I asked myself "How come I don't have the sunshine
that those people had?"
I want to quit, I feel so dumb, I feel tricked...
Is there a way out?
There is, but I don't understand why I lack so much motivation to pick up
and move on.

During the trip good things happened.
So good I was moved to tears.
Some people call these types of tears a pure hearted tear.
But why do I feel as if it is a helpless and heart broken tear?
I realize how much I truly loved them.
I don't want you to go. Please don't go. I am not through with you.

I would talk, scream, cry, wail all of my feelings to you...
However there is a thick wall that separates us.
It's a wall that's transparent...
We smile at each other but you cannot see the pain that my face hides.
It's a very cruel wall... I see you today, I wave, I smile, I mouth the word
I LOVE YOU.
You nod, you smile back, you say the three words back to me.
I burst out in tears, but only you don't see these tears.

Don't go. I can't leave you. So far away. Come with me. Don't stay there
anymore... You will only suffer.
You maybe one of the HARDEST persons to reach.
I feel so hopeless, and weak.
What am I suppose to do with these emotions that have finally surfaced?

Even if I cried in front of you because of the language barrier you will not
understand a word I say.
This is truly devastating.

You smile everyday and carry on with life not knowing your in danger...
The town, the culture, the people, the influence, and your family traditions
warp your mind.
You do not know that these seemingly good things are what is trapping you.
It strangles you, it binds you, it suffocates you, it has bared its fangs
into your body, and the poison seeps into your mind, soul, and body.

Yet I just stand there in a daze.
No matter how much it breaks my heart...
Knowing you welcome this predator into your home without knowing that it only
wants harm for you.
I am powerless.

But this is just the beginning of war.


Currently my Winter Break overseas...


0 Yato'd
Posted on 27 Dec 2013 by Rasu


MOOD:: Thoughtful
Listening To:: Baby Don't You Break My Heart Slow
今はなんじですか? 12:35 [AM]
Journey of Joy: 34/1,000

Ah... Hello long time no blog...
I have been soooooo busy busy during my Winter vacation.
People scheduling me to this event, to that event, to see these people, meet, greet, and eat eat eat with this person, that family, etc.

I feel like a make-up-less-celebrity.
Except I am not a celebrity! HAHAHAHA Neither do I want to be!

I may blog about all or.. 80% of my bought goods...
Let's say I bought a LOT of Kuroko no Basuke stuff.

I go crazy in an Anime store!
I also go crazy [ but not as much ] when it comes to pen shopping, sticker shopping, and stationary shopping!

I should probably go to bed.. It is already Saturday for me... It's 12AM something and tomorrow I am not sure if I am supposed to get up at 7AM again or not?

WUWAHH!!!! I WANT SLEEP!
GOOOOOOOOOOOD night?


Am I enough?


0 Yato'd
Posted on 10 Dec 2013 by Rasu


MOOD:: Thoughtful
Listening To:: Baby Don't You Break My Heart Slow
今はなんじですか? 7:28 [PM]
Journey of Joy: 34/1,000

Am I really enough? You know who I am do You not?
You do remember that I was the broken little girl who hated the world.
You do remember that I feel as if I am the weakest vessel...
I am but an imperfect girl with tears of confusions streaming down her face.
Are You sure You have use for me? What if I fail You? Break Your heart? Or worse... Run away from Your blessings given to me?
Sometimes I am so scared that I will tuck tails and run.
Where did my courage go? Where is my boldness?
From the start... I gave it away. I got rid of everything that meant relying on myself.
I found You. You were always there.. For me.
Thank you.
I threw away my courage, pride, and boldness.
I need not protect myself and build a wall of isolation and destitute.
Nobody in this world can protect me.
Not my parents, not my siblings, and not myself.
You are my protection.
I threw away what I had so You could enter into my life.
Sometimes I feel so scared knowing that You will show me the impossible.
Why do I tremble??
I think it is because You have entrusted a precious soul to me.
I do not protect it, yet I must not run away from it either.
You have nurtured & knitted that soul for a long time.
I guess I am just afraid that I may chicken out and not share an important message with that person.
What should I do?
Sometimes I am even scared to think... Should You even trust me with something so beautiful?
I do not know the future, I do not know what you are planning.
But I know You want to do good to and for me.
I thank you.
I do not deserve such an honoring role in life. But I gladly take the trophy with tears. I will gladly take the prize knowing and being the weakest person on earth.
I am nothing, I have nothing.
You are everything, You have everything.
I abide in You, and You in my heart.
Write my story this Winter.
I love you Abba.
I entrust my life, heart, and my future to you.
Take me. Take me, give me courage, strength.
BE my tower or boldness.
Be my pasture of peace.
Be my heart of compassion.
Let me share Your blossoming gift of love with this precious soul this Winter.
Take my hand, and lead my life.

31. The fear of holding an honoring role.
32. The love of an unconditional Lover.
33. This Winter
34. Beautiful Love stories that no human can ever write.


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